Fear and......more fear

I am finding myself at a crossroads of a sort. Quite a bit has happened since my previous post...

I started a new job at an ambulance service recently. I am currently in orientation. Orientation consists of two weeks of in-class time, followed by two weeks of street experience, followed by two more weeks in the classroom then back out on the streets.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't totally terrified about this. Day in and day out, people come into our class and talk to us about the things we should and should not do, namely emphasizing the what we should not do. Normally this would be a non-issue for me but I don't really appreciate having people that are beyond burned out on their jobs coming in telling me how to do my job because that is the way they do it. I'm sorry sirs, but with all due respect, bullshit. I am calling you sirs out on it. Granted this does not speak of everyone within the organization, but if you are going to tell me how to do my job because that is how you do it, at least make sure you are true to your word. For example, it's one thing to have someone tell you to treat your patients with the utmost respect and dignity regardless of who they are, what they did, etc. I have it on pretty good word that these people do not treat all of their patients with the best of dignity and that they have even been physically aggressive with their patients. In fact, I also have it on pretty good word that one of these people hasn't even seen the inside of an ambulance in quite some time.

When I say that I am terrified, I really mean that I am fucking terrified. What I do or do not do has an extreme set of consequences. The idea of driving an ambulance is scary when you hear horror stories about ambulance vs. private vehicle collisions and how you can lose your job, especially when you are an at-will employee and are not protected by the formal grievance process. It's also scary to hear that if you don't do certain things properly you can be sued...not the ambulance company, the provider. The provider can also face jail time for certain things as well.

Basically, long story short, all I have been hearing is about how you can hurt yourself, how you can die, how you can ruin someones life or your own life, how you can go to jail or lose your job or your livelihood. I am excited but nervous and scared out of my mind!